Anhedonic Alice

I got so used to thinking of myself as extremely ugly and unloveable (the dysphoria helped with that) – that it was a shock when, at 14, I began to experiment with make-up, and pretty hair and jewellery – and was called beautiful. Frightening, too – the first time I was groped in the street was in full daylight, out to buy some groceries – again, 14 – and a drunk man came up to me, pressed his body into mine and whispered ‘you’re fucking gorgeous’ in my ear. But also exhilarating – flirting with strangers, accepting compliments – one night an older gentleman reached out of a restaurant window as I was passing and gave me a flower, because my face had caught his eye. It was a very simple lesson: doors open for you when society calls you acceptable, desirable. It didn’t stop me from hating my body, from feeling trapped – but, hating my skin so much, and feeling there was no way out – why not let other people enjoy it? And why not use it to make my life easier? Our current beauty standard teaches women to view their own bodies as objects. When you have only a tenuous connection with your physical self I believe that this kind of attitude can almost feel normal.

thecurvature:

On May 23-24 Redwood Heights Elementary School will be teaching children in grades kindergarten through fifth that there are more than two genders. The two days calendared for this are entitled “Gender Spectrum Diversity Training.” In documents released by the school, students will be taught that “gender is not inherently nor solely connected to one’s physical anatomy.” Further, gender is a “complex interrelationship between [physical traits] and one’s internal sense of self as male, female, both or neither as well as one’s outward presentations and behaviors related to that perception.” Another document from the school advises parents: “When you discuss gender with your child, you may hear them [sic] exploring where they [sic] fit on the gender spectrum and why.”

In case all the scare-quotes didn’t tip you off, the organization that put out this press release is somehow under the very firm impression that these are BAD things.

(via randomtues)

*Get my name and pronoun right. This seems like such a simple one, but it makes a huge deal to me (and it’s amazing how many people got it wrong). When someone tells you what name and pronoun they are going by, remember it. Get it right. Make a commitment to respect the other person by honoring their name. Even if you don’t think they “look like” whatever name or gender they tell you, this isn’t about you, it’s about them. Practice if you have to, pull out a photo of them and practice saying their new name and pronoun until it feels natural.

*Correct other people who get my name or pronouns wrong. Early in transition I got exhausted having to advocate for myself all of the time; not only about names and pronouns, but also about everything else. So it was great when a friend would step up and say, “hey, you got his pronoun wrong.” I had friends who would pull aside professors after class, who would correct other students. This was such an encouragement to me and made me feel loved and supported. It’s such an easy thing to do.

*Wear a Legalize Trans* shirt. Okay, this is kind of a funny one, but I would love to see a ton of cisgender people rocking Legalize Trans* shirts out in the world. At Pride, at church, at school. There are some trans folks who can’t wear the shirts for fear of being outed (and then being in danger), so we need cis folks to rep for us. And it’s not just about a tshirt, it’s about showing visible support for a marginalized community. It’s about advocating for us.

*When someone makes a transphobic joke, don’t laugh. And then tell them to knock it off.

*Listen to trans people tell their stories.

*Escort someone to the bathroom. This seems silly (and maybe others will disagree with me) but when I was visibly genderqueer it helped for me to have a cisgender friend go to the bathroom with me. It helped to make sure that they had my back if there was trouble and it sent a clear message to the other people in the restroom that I belonged. This helped to ease my anxiety about public restrooms. So if someone asks you to accompany them to the restroom, just do it.

*Make a commitment to becoming educated about trans issues. Read blogs, zines and books penned by trans people. Find out what protections there are (or aren’t) for trans people in your state or city.

*This is the most important one of all: Learn to see trans people as whole people, not just trans people. I am so much more than my gender identity. I am a poet, a writer, a brother, a baseball fan, a reader, etc. I don’t want to be reduced to just “your trans friend”. I want to be able to live and speak out of the fullness of my life and identity. This is why I get so cranky about continually having to do gender 101 for people. Other people have done that work, it’s out there if you would just do a little digging for it. And when you can educate yourself, then trans people have the chance to talk about something else for a change. When I no longer have to do gender 101, then I can move the conversation to be about deeper theological issues, or about other justice issues. But you have to do your part and get the education.

Feel free to add more in the comments. Let us know what great things the cisgender people are doing in your lives, and what they can do to be even better!

(via resembledensemble-deactivated20)